Oz: Touya's Wacked Out Nightmare
by Lady Assassin Moonbeam
Summary: Touya goes out to meditate and ends up in the land of Oz! What havoc will arise from this? No flames please. My lame attempt at humor
1. Munchkin Land

Hello! This is my first YYH fic, so be nice to me. No flames but please review Please?

I don't own YYH, though I wish I did. I also don't own anything related to the Wizard of Oz.

This starts out slow, but it will get better, just please stay with me.

OZ: Touya's Wacked Out Nightmare

Touya the ice master was outside, alone, meditating. Typical, right? Wrong! It was twelve midnight, and the blue haired demon couldn't sleep. So, out of pure boredom, he decided to go outside. After only fifteen minutes, he became very, _very_ drowsy, falling asleep only a moment later.

The ice master awoke to the presence of a small _something_ atop his leg. He sat up and caught sight of an adorable orange puppy (think of an orange toto ).

"Alright," Touya sighed picking up the orange ball by the scruff of it's neck, causing it to whine softly. "Where'd you come from?" The puppy barked and wriggled from his grasp, landing on a wooden board.

_Wait, _Touya thought. _Wood? Where did that come from?_ Looking around, he found he was lying in the middle of a broken house. The puppy was barking furiously at something underneath him.

"Alright Mikan!" he said, naming the dog then and there. "Hush!" Touya stood up quickly and gave a cry of surprise. Poking out from underneath a mound of boards were two striped stockinged feet, both sheathed in sapphire slippers. He took another look at his surrounding and saw he was surrounded by little people, shorter than even Hiei, clothed in blue clothes with bright yellow collars. Each and every one of them wore a goofy grin while Touya's shinobi instincts screamed, "_Danger!"_ His gaze then turned to a woman in a sparkling white fairy queen gown.

"RUKA!" Touya sputtered. "What in Enma's name are you doing here?"

"You are most welcome, noble sorcerer," she said with a regal bow, "to the land of the Munchkins, for you have slain the Wicked Witch of the East."

"And we are all grateful for the favor!" the Munchkins said in high, gleeful voices.

"It is a great day for Munchkin country!" A fast-paced calypso beat started up from no where and everyone broke into cheers and dance moves.

_The east witch is dead_

_A big house fell on her head_

_No more we dread_

_The east witch is dead!_

_The east witch is gone_

_Happy we sing this song_

_Ring bell, ding dong_

_The east witch is gone!_

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Stand up and raise your voice_

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Sing and rejoice!_

Ruka: _The wind blew the sky got dark the house it come tumbln' down. Soon in the sky, we see welcome mat!_

Munchkins: _Splat! That was that!_

Ruka: _She no more!_

Munchkins: _The witch and her hat, are flat where they sat._

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Stand up and raise your voice_

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Sing and rejoice!_

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Stand up and raise your voice_

_Sing sing, everybody_

_Sing and rejoice!_

_Sing and rejoice! _

_Sing and rejoice!_

_Sing and rejoice!_

_Sing and rejoice!_

"I have lost my mind," Touya murmured. "I have definitely lost my mind." He turned to Ruka. "Do you have any idea how I could get home?"

"Home?" she asked, puzzled. "Where is this 'home'" Before he could answer she said, "Not matter! Wherever 'home' is, the Great Wizard Oz can take you there!" Suddenly, all the munchkins started whispering in frightened tones and motioning toward the dead witch.

"What is it?" Ruka asked. The munchkins parted to reveal the legs of the wicked witch, evaporating into the sunlight and leaving behind the sapphire slipper. Ruka laughed. "Oh, she was so old she dried up in the sun, but the slippers are yours to wear." With a swish of her wand, the shoes magically appeared on the ice master's feet. He looked at them disdainfully.

"Must I wear these?"

"Yes, you must," Ruka lightly tapped him on the forehead with her wand. "For those shoes and the mark of the Witch of the North, which I just gave you, will protect you from-"

WHERE IS SHE! WHERE IS MY SISTER!"

Yay! Cliffhanger! I will not put up the next chapter until I get at least four reviews, so please send in. Please?

Oh! And Mikan means "Tangerine". See you soon!


	2. Wicked Wizard

Yay! I got four reviews in one night! You like me! You really like me! ahem Here are my replies to your reviews:

Dlvvanzor: Yes, I hate the song too Glad you enjoyed it.

Alliona: No, I don't know who you are. You really think I did good on Touya's character? He seems a bit out of character to me. Thanks though!

Sycogerl64: Yes, he has lost his mind, and potatoes are good. Glad the song didn't drive you insane, cause it did for me.

Summonergirl001: Touya thanks you very much for supporting him in his insanity Jin's actually gonna be the Cowardly Lion, another component of Touya's wacky imagination!

Thank you so much you guys! And here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Mikan.

Oz: Touya's Wacked Out Nightmare

"WHERE IS SHE!" Risho yelled at the top of his lungs. "WHERE IS MY SISTER!" Winged Monkeys streamed into the Munchkin village, hooting and snarling and snapping at unfortunate little Munchkins. Suddenly, a loud bang was heard above the din.

"Your evil sister is dead!" Ruka shouted. "No longer well she enslave the people of Munchkin Land!"

"_How dare you!" _he hissed. "Who did it? I will have their head! _Who did it?_"

Ruka stepped back and pointed to Touya. "He did."

"You can't pin this on me!" Touya exclaimed. "It's not my fault!"

"I don't care if it was your fault or not!" said Risho. "You will suffer for your actions!"

"Just a minute!" Ruka interjected. "Now he wears the shoes of your sister and bears the mark of the Witch of the North. Therefore, he I s protected from your magic."

"I don't care!" Risho walked up to Touya and grabbed his shoulder. Electricity lanced through his hand and he recoiled in pain. The monkeys squealed in shock as their master was injured. "So it is true." He looked around with a menacing smirk. "It doesn't matter. I'll get my revenge. I'll get you my pretty," Mikan growled. "_and your little dog too!_" In a puff of smoke, he and the monkeys disappeared.

"It's alright everyone," Ruka said calmly. "He's gone now."

"Alright," Touya said confused, "What was he supposed to be?"

"He is the Wicked Wizard of the West, and if you want to avoid anymore trouble with him, you'll follow the yellow brick road to the city of Emeralds to see Oz. And _never _take those shoes off!"

"The yellow brick road?" Touya looked down at little Mikan barking, seeing that they were already on it. Ruka and the Munchkins started singing to a rock beat.

_Lift your feet_

_Follow the road_

_Pound that beat_

_Follow the road_

_Step on down_

_Follow the road_

_Stomp that ground_

_Follow the road_

_You better listen up and do it my way_

_I say stay on the yellow brick highway_

_You may have another chance today_

_If you stay on the road_

Ruka: _You say you're lookin' for the man they call the Wizard of Oz_

_He's the one alright, that'll listen to your cause_

_He's been livin' in a place they call the Emerald City_

_He's also the chairman of the social committee_

_He's a powerful guy, so the people do say_

_But if you're gonna get there you better be on your way!_

_Stay on the ro-ho-oad _

_Follow the road_

_Stay on the ro-ho-oad _

_Follow the road_

_Stay on the ro-ho-oad _

_Follow the road_

_Stay on the ro-ho-oad _

_Follow the road_!

Oy vey. Another annoying song! R & R, no flames. Please and thankyou!


	3. Scarecrow and Tin Man

Hello Welcome to the third chapter. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Oz. Please r & r, but no flames. Enjoy!

Oz: Touya's Wacked Out Nightmare

"I've lost my mind, haven't I Mikan?" Touya asked. Mikan barked happily and nudged his leg. The ice master smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." The two of them had been walking on the yellow brick road for a while and they were coming into a thick cornfield. They pushed and shoved through the stalks until they came into an open area. In the center hung a very life-like scarecrow. Upon further inspection, Touya found that it looked exactly like the Master of Makeup, Gama. Suddenly, the scarecrow jerked his head up and looked at Touya, who stepped back in alarm.

"Good day!" Gama said in an uncharacteristically kind tone. "How do you do?"

"Fine, thank you," the ice master replied nervously. "How do you do?"

"I'm not feeling very well, for it is very tedious being perched up here night and day to scare away the crows."

"Can't you just jump down? It's not that high of a fall."

Gama gestured to the pole behind him. "No, for this pole is stuck up my back. If you could take it out, I'd be greatly obliged to you." Touya shrugged and released the scarecrow with ease. Gama leaped to the ground and found his balance before saying, "Thank you very much! I feel like a new man!" He turned to Touya. "Who are you? And where are you going?"

Figuring he was already a nut job, he said, "My name is Touya, and I'm headed for the Emerald City to see the Wizard of Oz. Hopefully, he'll send me home."

"Home?" Gama asked. "Where is this 'home'?" Before Touya could answer he said, "Never mind. I wouldn't understand anyway. I have no brains, being stuffed with straw. Do you mind if I come with you? Maybe Oz will give me some brains!"

"Sure," the ice master replied. Mikan started growling and pawing at Gama's feet. He reached down and petted the puppy's head with a pale hand. She sat down, wagging her tail, and looked up with shining eyes.

Touya sighed. "Let's go."

As the group left the cornfield, they entered a dense forest. After a while of walking, they heard a low moan coming from inside the trees. Mikan whined slightly and wandered toward the sound.

"Mikan!" Touya yelled. "Come back here!" The two followed the dog to a tiny clearing. In the middle was a tin statue that looked strangely like Bakken.

"Why do I get the sudden feeling of deja vu?" Touya groaned.

"What's deja vu?" Gama asked.

"Never mind."

The tin statue moaned again before saying, "Oh, please help me!" Touya sighed again.

"Alright. What do you need help with?"

"Here's an oil can at the foot of the tree. I'm rusted so badly that I can't move, otherwise I'd get if myself." Gama handed the oil can to Touya as Bakken started singing a blues song.

_Com on and lubricate my mouth, then my nose_

_Ooo, that's good! Now how about my toes?_

_My ankles, my knees, if you please_

_Tip that can til I can move with ease_

_Now my elbows, my shoulders, don't forget my face_

_Just a-pour that crude all over the place!_

_That's wonderful! That's marvelous!_

_It's so good to get crankin'_ _now, I confess._

_Now my finger and my wrist. Ooo, that's bliss._

_Don't forget my back, while you're on the track_

_My jawbone, my ear. Aw, what the heck!_

_Slide that oil all around my neck._

_It's a simple little process, do you get the point?_

_Just a lubricate brother in every joint!_

_That's wonderful! That's marvelous!_

_It's so good to get crankin' now, I confess._

_I'm slick, I'm sleek, a clean machine_

_A tip top tin man, see what I mean?_

_A high performance power packed mechanical man_

_If I break down just oil me again!_

_That's wonderful! That's marvelous!_

_It's so good to get crankin' now I confess._

_That's wonderful! I'm feelin' like a brand new man!_

_Listen to me brother, now if I break down_

_Just oil me again!_

_I'm good for another 3,000 miles._

Touya stood there, eyes wide in shock and awe at Bakken's ability to sing.It was actually good! Usually when Bakken sang it either killed any living thing around him OR caused every person to drop dead from laughing so hard. It was that bad.

"Wow," Touya mumbled. Bakken smiled and stretched.

"Yeah well," he stated, "I've had some time to practice. You saved my life you two. If you hadn't have come along, I probably would have stood there forever! Thank you!"

"You're welcome," Gama said.

"So where are you guys going?"

"We're heading for the Emerald city," Touya replied. "The Wizard of Oz is going to give Gama a brain and send me home."

"Where's 'home'?"Bakken asked. Before the ice master could say anything, he said,Aw, I probably wouldn't care anyway,cause I don't have a heart.

"Maybe Oz will give you a heart," Gama suggested.

"You think?" He thought about it for a few seconds before saying, "Yeah! Maybe he will! Do you mind if I tag along?"

"Sure," Touya replied. "The more the merrier." Mikan barked in agreement.

_Yes!_ Chapter three is done! Please read and review, but no flames please. Thank You


	4. Cowardly Elf

Howdy! To those of you who have stuck with me thus far, THANK YOU FOR READING! For those of you who reviewed, THANK YOU EVEN MORE! Here is chapter four, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: Can't, don't, won't ever.

Oz: Touya's Wacked out Nightmare

"How long will it be before we are out of the forest?" Touya asked. Gama shrugged.

"I dunno," Bakken said, "for I have never been to the Emerald City, but I knew a fellow who went there once. He said that it was a very long a perilous journey. But I am not afraid as long as I have my oilcan, and nothing can hurt the Scarecrow. Plus, you have the mark of the Good Witch Ruka, and that will protect you from harm."

"Is it tat obvious I have the witch's mark?" the master queried, putting a hand to his forehead. His two companions nodded, Mikan barking along with them. Suddenly, something bounded out from the foliage, knocking the three over and chasing the puppy. Mikan growled viciously at the towering figure above her (yes, Mikan's a girl). Touya scrambled to his feet and smacked the thing upside the head.

(Please pardon my horrid attempt at Jin's accent)

"Ouch!" Jin said, falling on his butt. "Tha' hurt!"

"Serves you right!" Touya shouted. "You're a bloody coward to pass us and attack a defenseless dog! You ought to be ashamed!"

"I didn't hurt'm!"

"But you tried to!" Jin hunched his shoulders.

"I didn't mean to, I'm just _scared _of you guys."

"We can see that," Gama said. "Maybe the Wizard will give you some courage."

"Wizard?" the wind master stuttered, standing up. "Wha' w-wizard? He sounds scary." A little freaked out by the elf's lack of bravery, Touya said, "I'm sure the Wizard of Oz isn't _that_ frightening."

"Okay." The four and Mikan began to walk again when suddenly...

"Well, well, well."

The group whirled around to see Risho, the Wicked Wizard of the West, sneering at them with two flying monkeys by his side.

"I see you've survived the dark forest thus far, my pretty," he spat angrily, "and I see that you've gathered a small band to help you in your journey. You won't survive for much longer, however."

"What do you plan to do your highness?" one of the monkeys asked.

"Something evil?" queried the other.

"Something crude?"

"Something wicked?" The animals squawked in delight, freaking out at the thought of torturing Touya and the others.

"SILENCE!" The monkeys fell back in shock at the Wicked Wizard's venomous tone. "I'll decide the perfect way to kill them. Until then, how about a little fire Scarecrow?" The tree closest to Gama suddenly burst into bright red flames, causing him to jerk out of the way like a startled lunatic.

"Or perhaps a thunderstorm, eh woodsman?" Risho muttered an incantation under his breath and rain instantly started to fall.

"NO!" Bakken screeched, diving under a tree. The sorcerer laughed and the storm subsided, but the monkeys leapt forward, terrifying poor Jin. Touya stepped in front of the cowering elf, glaring daggers at Risho. The wicked wizard stepped forward and attempted to grab Touya, but was painfully deflected by another shock of electricity.

"Soon," he said slyly. "Soon you will pay for what you did to my sister. I _will _get my revenge." He and the monkeys stepped backwards into the menacing branches of the forest, disappearing without a trace.

Yay! Another chapter done! Hope you enjoyed. Please review, but no flames, and do stick around. I hope to have another chapter up soon. Next stop, the Emerald City!


	5. The Poppy Fields

Hey! Sorry for the delay. Here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho

Oz: Touya's Wacked Our Nightmare

Chapter 5

"Hey look!" Jin exclaimed with a toothy grin, ears wiggling wildly. "The Emerald City!"

"_Finally,_" Touya moaned in exasperation. "Let's keep going." Through the colorful poppy field they trudged toward the glittering city of green in the distance, but something seemed amiss. Bakken paused and looked around, sniffing lightly.

"You guys smell something funny?" he asked. Jin inhaled and exhaled deeply, the wobbled around like a drunk fool.

"Yup," he slurred, "I think it's-" The wind master collapsed in a snoring heap as Touya growled in frustration.

"We have no time for this!" he moaned. Mikan barked and growled, pawing at Jin's feet. At the same time, Gama sat down, yawning.

"I think we have plenty of time for a little-" He fell asleep to. Touya rolled his eyes.

"This is _ridiculous_. What's going on?"

"Sleeping spell," Bakken said, yawning.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Oh, well great! How do we stop it?" To late, for Bakken had fallen asleep as well, Mikan curled up at his feet. Touya sighed, falling to his knees. "What do I do?"

"Need help?" The ice master glanced back at the good witch Ruka.

"Do you have something to keep these goons awake?" he asked.

"Here, make a chunk of ice for me." He did, and Ruka slid the tiny block down Jin's back. The wind master promptly leapt up with a shout, hopping around like his feet were on fire, scratching at his back.

"AH! Cold, cold, cold!" Touya smirked.

"Nice. Thanks Ruka."

"No fair!" said Risho, magically appearing next to her. "You helped them!"

"I have to," she replied, "I'm the good witch."

"But that's not in the story!"

"Actually it is. And by the way Touya, you throw a bucket of water on him at the end to defeat him."

"Thank you," the ice master replied as he slipped ice down his companions backs. "That helps a lot." Risho scowled angrily.

"The I'll get you before the end of the story," he snapped.

"No you can't," Ruka interjected. "You not allowed to do anything to them until the reach your castle. They're under my protection until then."

"You can't protect us all the way?" Touya asked.

"Sorry, but no." She smiled. "And if he tries to hurt you before then, I get to zap him with lighting."

"For your information, Ruka," the wicked wizard said, "I can zap you back."

"No you can't! By order of the authoress, all your powers are disabled until the group enters your domain."

"WHAT!" Risho stared at the good witch in shock. "Since when does she have the authority to do that?"

"Hey, this her story," Ruka shrugged. "She makes the rules, not me." Risho shook a fist at the sky.

"Story Nazi!" he yelled. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck the ground, scaring the daylights out of everyone. From the light, the authoress stepped out, scowling at Risho.

"What did you say?" she asked menacingly. He laughed nervously.

"Nothing. Never mind."

And I get to wallop him later for saying that.

Risho: Oh, great.

That's what being a jerk gets you. Please read and review, but no flames. Thanx.


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